The hard life of a guy flying a lot

I am on the road quite often. I normally spend about 6 months in total away from home. In 2004 I calculated how much time I spent on board of airplanes. It was 2 full weeks. 2 more weeks I spent hanging around airports, lounges etc. and probably another week driving to and from airports. So, I tend to notice things. Things that make me laugh, swear, shake my head, depending on the mood I am currently in. Like the pre-departure show that stewardesses - sorry - flight attendants put on: "First we show you how to operate your seatbelt". Yeah great! Just in case you haven't been riding a car since 1969...
Or the "ping" at some stage in initial climb: "We would like to remind you that this is a non-smoking flight". You don't say!!?? When did they come up with that non-smoking policy again? 20 years ago? And then finally: "Welcome to London". Baby, you cannot welcome me in London! You flew with me! In order to welcome me you need to be standing at the airport when I arrive. But don't worry, I prefer if you don't...
Now that I got started I could write more on those like-to-be-important business flyers and even more on the concept of eating on board an airplane. But I think that will have to wait till another day.